The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
