I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
