my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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