"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
There r osticjed everywhere
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
