fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Be still, my beating vagina.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
