So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
