I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
