If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
