I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
