he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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