Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
