you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
