I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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