Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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