everyone is single if you try hard enough
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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