is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
