I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
