You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
This house was built for laser tag.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
