piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
