i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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