Me. At least after what I've been through.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Threesome in a minivan. New low
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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