i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
My ass is underappreciated
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
