if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Randomize
