Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
