i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
