im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Randomize
