I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
