I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
