Ambien. No doubt about it.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
