This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
