Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
