We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
