Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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