Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
