you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
