Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
