There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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