plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
did i walk over a car last night?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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