ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
