Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
