from now on my penis is your penis
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
