her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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