i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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