I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
