I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
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