I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
