I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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