I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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