My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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