guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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