The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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