He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
whose parrot is this?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
