i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
you traded sex for a burrito?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Randomize
