Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
