so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
