my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
