Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
