Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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