Where is the hickey?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Randomize
