ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
