i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
