I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
