I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
